Fun Stuff II

Posting early because I have a million things to do, and I’m running late (what else is new?). So here’s the rest of “What would we do without newspapers?”

  • “1:14 a.m. – Caller reports hitting an intruder in the head with an axe. Notes that intruder ‘was in the mirror.’”
  • [from a different paper] 1:33 p.m., Sonora – A man came to the Sheriff’s Department to ‘find out how to legally kill’ a person who was harassing him.”
  • “A caller reported at 7:14 p.m. that someone was on a porch yelling ‘help’ from a residence on Bank Street. Officers responded and learned that the person was calling a cat that is named ‘Help.’”
  • “2:58 p.m. –The Learning Center on Hanson Street reports a man across the way stands at his window for hours watching the center, making parents nervous. Police ID the subject as a card-board cutout of Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
  • “Dog attack – Lower Duck Pond, Litia Park, Ashland. Police responded to report of two dogs running loose and attacking ducks at about 11:20 a.m. Sunday. The officer cited a resident for loose dogs. The duck refused medical treatment and left the area, according to police records.”
  • “An Edgewood man reported recently that his wife had gone missing some 18 months ago.”
  • “[A separate report] Police checked the area and found an open door in the back of the building. An officer went inside and called out, ‘Marco.’ … Police found the suspect after he responded, ‘Polo.’”
  • “For sale – collection of old people. Call 253 …”
  • “Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. [P.O. box in Oakview, California] You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.”
  • “Human skull, used once only Not plastic. $200 OBO. Dr. Scott Tyler …”
  • “1995 Nissan Maxima, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition $4500. Not for sale.”
  • “Tombstone: Standard ray. A good buy for someone named Grady. 508-375 …”
  • “Debra Jackson says she likes shopping at the Dollar Palace because it is convenient and casual.  ‘I don’t have to get all dressed up like I’m going to Wal-Mart or something,’” she said …”

And one from elsewhere which came as part of a lament to the death of the copy desk. Love it!

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